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Player Expose: Joe Anaya; Who The Hell Brought Him On The Team Anyway?

Posted by Titus on August 13, 2012

Who is Joe Anaya?  What brought him to The Tigers?  What is that noise coming from his ass when he runs to first base?  All of these questions will be answered in our candid expose……”Joe Anaya; Who The Hell Brought Him On The Team Anyway?”

Joe Anaya

Joe Anaya was born in a small Mexican village just outside of East Chicago in 1970.  He is the 3rd child of the litter and shares, with the world, 16 sisters and 22 brothers.  They lived in a studio apartment just minutes from the Harbor.  Raised by hardworking parents, Joe was known for peculiar smile and hardworking attitude. Joe dreamed big.  Bigger than any other of his 38 siblings.  As a young boy, Joe could often be heard saying (in broken English of course) “I love Ping Pong.  I do Ping Pong one day.”  “I love Tic Tac.  Tic Tac good for me.”  “I do DJ.  DJ is fun times.  Meet many chicas.”  What Joe didn’t know is how these things would form the man that he is today.

 Joe studied hard in school and in 3rd grade, he made it all the way up to the C-D honor roll.  Oh how his parents were proud!  They took him to the store and said “Little Joey, you pick anything you want out of the store and we will get it for you.  We love you little Joey.”  Joe walked around the store for hours.  Aisle after aisle, toy after toy, but Joe couldn’t decide.  Finally, after spending 11 hours walking through Kmart, He dad exclaimed “Fuck IT!” and picked out a baseball glove.  They didn’t know it then, but that choice was destiny. 

Joe loved his baseball glove more than anything in the world and he spent countless days, weeks, months, even years just trying to figure out how to put the thing on. Then one day years later, it happened.  The glove slid onto his chubby, Shrek-like fingers and it transformed him.  From that moment on, he was different.  He…………… was a ball player.  Day and night, night and day he would throw an imaginary ball against the back of his garage in the alley making diving stop after diving stop.  Joe wouldn’t quit. He came in night after night with skinned up knees, bruised elbows, a rash on his ass, but that did not deter him because he was determined to be great at something.  Never had a child worked so hard for his dream.  His dream to one day play with a real ball, with some real friends, on a real field.

High School was a challenge for Joe.  He was always struggling to fit in. He was the only kid in high school that was balding in front and already had gray hair.   He would try to talk to the ladies but it never quite worked out because he still kept saying things like (in broken English of course) “I love Ping Pong.  I do Ping Pong one day.”  “I love Tic Tac.  Tic Tac good for me.”  “I do DJ.  DJ is fun times.  Meet many chicas.”  Though he couldn’t catch the eyes of the ladies back then with those kind of pickup lines, it did catch the eye of one person that Joe would end up spending the rest of his life with………. Anthony Perez.  Anthony and Joe were inseparable.  Anthony looked up to Joe (literally, because Anthony is only 3’ tall) and always kept Joe in his prayers.  He prayed that Joe would never leave him.  He prayed that Joe would ask him to play imaginary baseball with him one day.  He just prayed for Joe.  The two of them became instant BFFs and spend every day together.  They spent the rest of their high school years getting into trouble and creating memories with their hijinks and shenanigans.

It was a cold night in January, 1990.  Paramedics rushed to Joe’s apartment after neighbors complained about what sounded like prison rape.  As they broke the door down, they gazed upon the scene.  It was gruesome.  Empty beer bottles littered the floor.  Overturned furniture all over the room.  Blood everywhere.  Used condoms in every toilet.  Joe and Anthony, in their underwear, had passed out playing the most kick-ass game of ping pong anyone has ever heard of.  As the paramedics entered the room, Anthony lifted up his head and said, with his eyes still closed, “What’s up bitches?” then passed out.  The smell of the room was something nobody had every smelled before.  What was that smell?  Was a Zombie decaying in there?  Why are there feces on the ceiling?  Two of the paramedics instantly passed out.  The other two other brave souls entered the room with gas masks.  They had to get Joe out if there was any chance of his survival.  They drug his lifeless Shrek-like body out of the apartment and rushed him to the hospital.

The next morning Joe finally woke up.  Disoriented and weak, Joe tried ripping out his breathing tube and tearing out his IVs.  Doctors and nurses were trying to hold him down.  Joe was naked and screaming  (in broken English of course) “I love Ping Pong!  I do Ping Pong one day!” 

As things started to calm down, a doctor came in to tell Joe the good news.  There was nothing physically wrong with him.  He went on to tell Joe that the smell in the room that put everyone’s life in danger was the worst case of Halitosis that he had ever come across in his career.  Joe didn’t know medical terms so he stared at the doctor ……confused.  After several minutes of blank confused staring, the doctor said “Your breath smells like shit dude.  Take these every hour on the hour and you should be fine.”  The doctor handed him a small container.  As Joe turned over the container to read the label, his eyes opened wide.  A look of sheer joy spread across his face.  It was a container of Tic Tacs!  Joe jumped up on his bed, (naked) and screamed (in broken English of course) “I love Tic Tac!  Tic Tac good for me!” 

Years later, with the Tic Tacs taking care of his Halitosis and improving his self-confidence, Joe now had the balls to tackle another one of his lifelong dreams.  He was hired as a DJ at the local Moose lodge.  It was his first gig and it happened to be Ladies night.  About an hour into the gig he looked up from his equipment and he spotted her.  Joe’s mouth could not close.  Everything slowed down.  A bright light shined from the back of her while she danced in slow motion.  Joe, for the first time since meeting Anthony, was in love.  Her name was Sheri and she was a dancing machine.  With every song Joe played, she danced more.  There was a connection being formed through music.  Song after song.  Dance after dance. The flirting was sickening.   Joe finally mustered up enough courage to  talk to Sheri. He put on Regulators by Warren G and then slowly strolled over to Sheri.  Joe said the words that would sweep her off of her feet and make her Joe’s woman until the end of time.  He grabbed her hand and whispered, very Rico Suave-like, into her ear (in broken English of course) “I do DJ.  DJ is fun times.  Meet many chicas.”  Game over.  She was his.

Joe Anaya happy to be with his wife

After many happy years of marriage, Sheri was going through boxes in the attic and stumbled upon Joe’s baseball glove.  Yes, that same glove that little Joey got from his parents in 3rd grade.  The same glove that Joe spent countless days and night practicing outside without a ball.  Sheri thought to herself.  “I love watching baseball on TV because of the pants they wear.  Maybe Joe looks good in a pair of baseball pants.”  So after begging and bribing her cousin, they let him play on their baseball team, The White Sox.  Not the real White Sox.  For Christ’s sake, we are talking about Joe Anaya.  The White Sox in the Crown Point league.  A 33 year old+ league where stars from all over come to play when they are not good enough to play with the best.

 Joe took the field for the first time.  He was happy.  This was a real field, with a real ball and real friends.  He had a pep to his step.  They put him a 2nd base because he had never played with a ball yet.  They thought he would be safe there.  Wouldn’t you know it; the first pitch of the game was a screaming line drive that hit Joe right between the eyes.  He screamed “Aye Carumba!”  and fell to the dirt.  Baseball did not start off as easy as DJ’ing did.  Joe was not a quitter; and with the support of his wife Sheri and his BFF Anthony who also played on the White Sox, Joe made strides to become a real ball player.

After several unsuccessful years with the White Sox, Joe and Anthony had enough.  They felt unwanted.  They felt underappreciated.  They wondered “Why can’t we feel unwanted and underappreciated with a bunch of guys we actually want to hang out with?”  I now introduce the Tigers.  The Tigers and a group of hard-bodied hard-nosed ball players who chose NOT to play in the MLB.  There a bunch of bad motherfuckers who, like the honeybadger, just don’t give a shit.  Could little Joey (and Anthony) become a part of the Tigers?  Is Joe bad-ass enough to hang with those ball playin’ sons of bitches?

Tom Ruiz, another Harbor felon that Joe knew as a child, was a member of the Tigers.  The Tigers were the worst team on the planet the prior year, but they were retooling and needed fresh bodies.  So Tom Ruiz asked Dan Titus (catcher and member of the Tigers) “Hey, do you want to pick up Joe Anaya?”  Dan asked “Who?  I don’t know who the hell that is.”  Tom replied “That guy from the White Sox.”  Then Dan remembered and confirmed with Tom “That short Shrek-like guy with the knee braces that can’t run for shit?”  Tom emphatically exclaimed “Yeah!  That’s the guy!” So they decided (after several beers) to give him and Anthony a shot.

 Joe finally made it.  Through the sheer generosity and kindness of Dan Titus and Tom Ruiz, Joe found a home (with Anthony too).  A place where he can be himself.  A place where he and Anthony can underachieve and feel underappreciated, but still be loved because………………………Damn those Tigers are a fun bunch of guys!

So now Joe, having achieved everything a guy could ever want to achieve in his live (a loving wife and family, ping-pong expert, good friends, baseball, and DJ’ing) can come out to the park to play the game that he loves so much.  The game that he finally learned to play as a 42 year old adult.  Baseball

So now you know Joe.  He is always the one with the smile on his face (just look at the pictures).  Just one warning.  If you are playing against Joe and you are at first base.  When you slowly start to hear the Tic Tacs coming toward you (chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka); you best get off the tracks before the Anayalator runs you over (just ask Joe O from the Red Sox)!

Below are some of the many faces of Joe Anaya.  His range of emotions makes him the most unique character on the Tigers.

Joe Anaya overcome with joy and pride

Joe happy to be at sea

Joe’s reaction after he learned that he won the lottery

Joe’s excitement to hang with friends

Joe happy to be with his wife

I dont know if anything above is true or not.

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Player Profile–Dave Hayse

Posted by sharris2929 on July 8, 2011

Here is our 15th player profile, last and certainly  not least, Dave Hayse. 

Name: Dave Hayse

Position: OF, SS, 2B

The Low-Down: Dave is a newcomer to the Over the Hill League, returning to the diamond after several years away.  He was brought over from the dark side, meaning he’d been playing softball in the Crown Point leagues.  So far this season, he’s not showing any signs of ring rust.  He’s been a very solid presence in the outfield, making a run-saving inning-ending sliding catch in a tight game against the Cardinals.  Had Hayse not made that play, the outcome of that game may have been much different.  He’s proven that he’s clutch at the plate, too, driving in the game tying run to cap a 3 run inning against the Red Sox. 

Expectations: Expect Dave’s aggressiveness to be crucial in many Tigers wins.  It shouldn’t be uncommon to look at a Tigers game and say…”If it wasn’t for Hayse, things could have turned out pretty ugly.”  It’s already happened twice this early in the season.  It’s bound to go on all summer long.  Expect Dave to fly around the bases and interrupt the concentration of opposing pitchers. 

Fun Fact:  Watching a young Dave Hayse play baseball inspired John Fogerty to write the song “Centerfield”.

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Player Profile–Joe Anaya

Posted by sharris2929 on July 8, 2011

 

Name: Joe Anaya

Position: 2B, OF

The Low-Down:  Joe joins the Tigers after playing for the White Sox previously.    So far in the early season, Joe has shown an aggressive style at the plate that has lead to instant results.  He’s among the team leaders in batting average and has shown that he can strike at any time.  In the abbreviated game against the Red Sox, the Tigers were down 4-1 in the second.  After the first two hitters reached base to start the inning, Joe hit the first pitch he saw for a two run single, stole second, then scored on a single to tie the game.  Joe is a rally waiting to happen, no matter what the situation.

Expectations: Expect Joe to continue being a stalwart in the lower middle of the lineup, the part of the lineup that has shown huge production over the past few games.  Also expect Joe to continue lighting up the base paths, stealing nearly every time he has the chance.  He’ll force the oppositions hand and make things happen just when the Tigers need it.

Fun Fact: “Anaya” means “God Answered” in Hebrew.  In Sanskrit, it means “Completely Free.”  In Latin, “Anaya” translates roughly to “killer line drive”.

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Player Profile–Anthony Perez

Posted by sharris2929 on July 8, 2011

 

Name: Anthony Perez

Position: 2B, P

The Low-Down: Anthony made the jump to the Tigers after playing for the White Sox last season.  Anthony was picked up to bolster the offense, deepen the pitching staff, and solidify the infield defense.  Only four games into the season, you can check all three of those areas off this list.  In his first game as a Tiger, he singled on the first pitch he saw.  With one out in the 7th he walked to start a rally and scored what turned out to be the tying run.  On the mound, Anthony provided heroics in just his second appearance for the Tigers.  He pitched a solid two innings to earn the save in Tigers 9-7 win over the Cubs, striking out the final batter with the tying runs aboard. 

Expectations: Expect Anthony to continue being a nuisance to the opponents at the top of the lineup.  He’s going to make contact, make things happen on the bases, and score plenty of runs.  As the season progresses, expect to see a lot more of Anthony on the mound, too.  His recent save against the Cubs could be a real harbinger of things to come.

Fun Fact: Anthony paid his entire league fee in nickels.

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Player Profile–Juan Sanchez

Posted by sharris2929 on July 8, 2011

 

Name: Juan Sanchez

Position: SS

The Low-Down: Juan is another Tiger newcomer, but a veteran of the Over the Hill League.  Juan was a late off-season pick up, and was brought in to tighten up the top of the Tigers lineup offensively, and the middle of the infield defensively.  If you’ve been to any Tigers game this season, you know that he has done just that.  His bat as been better than advertised, as he leads the Tigers in several offensive statistics.  His glove has been stellar as well, making several highlight worthy plays over the course of the early season.

Expectations: Expect Juan to continue being a catalyst and a run producer at the top of the order.  Any inning where he comes up to the plate could be a big one.  He’ll get on base for his teammates, steal to get into scoring position, and cross the plate again and again.  Or as he’s shown early on, when the bottom of the lineup gets on base for him, he’ll play the role of thumper and drive them home. 

Fun Fact: Juan leads the team in several offensive categories, but he also leads the team in number of times yelling at teammates or opposing players about changing the scoreboard.

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Player Profile–Dave Purkey

Posted by sharris2929 on June 27, 2011

 

Name: Dave Purkey

Position: 1B, P

Nickname: Pork

The Low-Down: Dave is another Tigers newcomer, returning to the diamond after playing softball for the past several years.  Dave played high school baseball with fellow Tigers Curt Lechner and coach Jeff Nelson, and was persuaded by them to make the jump back to hardball.  The Tigers should be happy that he did.  Dave instantly provided tremendous defense at 1st base.  Tigers have already noted that between his play there (and that of Ryan Lytle), first base defense has been the biggest improvement for the Tigers since last year. 

Expectations: Dave has flashed his gold glove frequently in the young season, saving several throwing errors by digging out balls in the dirt.  Before this season is out, expect Dave to get some big outs for the Tigers on the mound as well.  He’s got a big time arm and good breaking stuff as well.  Dave has made one appearance so far this season, and says that he worked out some mechanical issues that plagued him then.  When that happens, expect Dave to give the opposition fits.  Also don’t be surprised when Dave starts pounding the ball all over the field.  He’ll drive in some big runs for the Tigers down the road.

Fun Fact: Dave once threw a fastball so hard it somehow managed to cause a power outage.  The game was immediately suspended until order could be restored.

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Future Player Profiles

Posted by sharris2929 on June 3, 2011

The season starts tomorrow, and yet there are still some Tigers who have not been profiled.  For that, dear fans, I apologize.  I simply have ran out of time, and in some cases, have not gotten to know a few Tigers well enough to write an accurrate profile.  I give my word that once I do, these profiles will be featured prominently here on this site. 

So my apologies to these fellows, who you will see profiles of in due time:

Dave Purkey

Dave Hayse

Anthony Perez

Joe Anaya

 

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Player Profile-Tim Mullally

Posted by sharris2929 on June 2, 2011

 

 

 

Name: Tim Mullally

Position: OF

The Low-Down: Dr. Mullally returns to the Tigers, and besides providing trusted medical acumen, he bring speed, speed, and more speed.  Tim is one of the most feared base stealers in the league, giving fits to opposing catchers every time he reaches base.  His speed also brings comfort to the Tigers pitchers, as he can track down anything in his area in the outfield. 

Expectations: Don’t let the previous paragraph fool you; Tim is more than just a slap and run hitter.  He’ll drive the ball to all fields and use his speed to pick up extra bags.  Expect to see Tim flying around the bases as the oppositions throws arrive late every time.  On a team that should have a lot of steals, don’t be surprised at all if Tim is leader of the pack. 

Fun Fact: The human liver performs over 500 unique functions in the body.  Tim is the only person that knew that before reading this, because he’s a doctor.

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Player Profile-Dennis McGarel

Posted by sharris2929 on June 2, 2011

Wish we had gotten one before he shaved the 'stache...see below

 

 

Name: Dennis McGarel

Position: P, SS, 2B, 3B

The Low-Down: Dennis returns to the Tigers this season after a great debut season last year.  He was one of the top pitchers for the Tigers, eating up big innings and using his guile and experience to trip up opposing offenses.  He’s consistently in the strike zone, changes speeds well, and mixes up his pitches very effectively. 

Expectations: Expect McGarel to be a staple on the mound for the Tigers, both starting and in relief.  He’ll eat up innings and suppress the opposition, allowing the potent Tiger offense to shine.  Expect Dennis to hold down the fort in the infield as well.  What we haven’t mentioned yet is his offense, but he’ll make noise on that front, too.  Dennis has a knack for getting big hits in big spots, so expect to see some heroics this season

Fun Fact: Dennis blows shit up for a living.  For real.

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Player Profile-Mike Estrada

Posted by sharris2929 on June 1, 2011

 

 

Name: Mike Estrada

Position: 3B, SS, 2B, P

The Low-Down: Estrada is another returning Tiger veteran, and has been and will continue being one of the most versatile and important pieces in the Tiger puzzle.  He hits a ton, he makes spectacular plays in the field, and he gets outs on the mound.  When the Tigers need a big hit, a big defensive play, or a big out, don’t be surprised when Estrada is the one to make it happen.

Expectations: Estrada will start many rallies at the top of the lineup with his bat.  Expect him to put the ball in play nearly every time he’s up, and if he doesn’t he should be trotting to first with a walk.  Like teammate Tom Ruiz, expect Estrada to be crossing the plate frequently.  In the field, you’ll see Estrada all over the place.  Wherever he lands, he’ll be making plays, that’s for sure.  On the mound, Estrada will pound the zone with strikes and give the opponent some uncomfortable at bats. 

Fun Fact: Mike had feuds with both Tupac and Biggie in the ’90’s.

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